Anticipation fills the room as I recite, "…Ariel, eighth note, flaggy, Grandma Marge’s clock…treadmill!" As I declare the final word on the list, gleeful shrieks erupt and my daughter’s arms and fingers tense with excitement. She shouts thanks to me for listing all of her favorite things. As I give her a hug and kiss goodnight, I think to myself, "You’re welcome, because that list is 302 items long!"
To truly appreciate this scene, you need to know that my daughter has autism and develops ‘obsessions’ that she remembers sequentially. She uses these obsessions to mark time throughout her life and make connections to various events.
Last fall, I had an experience of my own with an obsession that marked a time period in my life. While listening to a podcast, a worship song called Good Plans/Doxology was referenced. After looking it up and reading the lyrics, I immediately wanted to listen to the music. Hearing it only one time, the song immediately became an anthem for my life. I listened to it every morning, singing and declaring it over my life.
The song begins with a common doxology (meaning an expression of praise to God): "Praise God from whom all blessings flow." Ephesians 1:3 says, Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.
It then moves on to put Psalm 23 into music, The Lord is my shepherd and He is everything I need. I walk through the valley of shadow and death and still I know. References are made to the rod and staff that comfort, quiet waters, being in the presence of enemies, God’s goodness and mercy following us all of our days, and dwelling in the house of the Lord.
Additional verses of the song include references to language found in the Bible such as the Lord being our Savior and bringing us victory as well as taking heart in both deserts and gardens. Paul states in 1 Corinthians 15:57, But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Isaiah 51:3 says, For the Lord comforts Zion; he comforts all her waste places
and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song.
While the entire song is powerful and based on God’s word, the most influential portion of the song for me is when they sing, “If I know my Father, I know my Father has good plans for me.” In all honesty, that portion was extremely painful for me. I regularly doubt that God’s plans for me are good. I believe and know them for others. But for me? That is difficult. The key for me became the part that says, “If I know my Father.” If I know Him. If.
So, take a brief pause with me. Remember my story from the beginning of this post? I bet some of you are wondering how I remember all 302 things on my daughter’s list. Well, we have followed this routine every night before bed for years. Why? It is simple. She thrives on routine and predictability. I love her and want to give her that in a way that also helps her to understand that she is seen, known, and loved. It takes time, focus, and effort to both be present with her and learn to understand her.
In a more general way, she also has a basic information sheet to help new teachers and adults learn about her quickly. It shares crucial information about her medical diagnoses and needs, her basic likes and dislikes, daily routine, diet, and how she communicates. You could learn facts about her fairly quickly with that documentation. What you could not learn is how she is deeply compassionate and cries when others cry, that she is fiercely determined, and incredibly strong and brave. Also, you could not learn her list of 302 favorite things. Learning those things takes time and intentionality. It requires living life together.
Thud. The reality of the situation hit me suddenly. How often do I put forth the same effort to take time with and focus on God, to learn about Him, and to truly know Him? I know about God, as I have learned stories from the Bible throughout my life, and I have studied His Word since college. But do I know Him in the way that takes time, intentionality, and living life together?
Have I learned that He is faithful and true to His word, that He loves without limits, and that He is caring and kind? Do I know His names and the way each of them displays an attribute of His character?
When worry comes, do I sit quietly and know He fights for me? Can I sit in His embrace and feel comfort, hear His whispers, and find rest in His arms? Have I learned to share with Him intimately the details of my life?
Do I trust that He knows better than I do what is truly good for me?
Do you?
God, I pray right now for the heart of every person reading this. I pray that the words of Psalm 23 will be sung or spoken repeatedly over their lives in the days ahead. Whether they are in the midst of deserts or gardens, may they find a seat at your table. Invite them to intimacy with You, in the presence of their enemies, where they can feast on Your goodness and mercy. Walk with them, lead them beside still waters, quiet the storms of their lives, and comfort them. Open their hearts to truly know You and be touched by You. We ask for Your touch, God, even if it leaves us with a limp. We love you. We want to know You. May we live a life of worship to You and You alone. Amen.