Anger is a powerful emotion. Arising from frustration, injustice, or unexpected changes, it has the propensity to overwhelm and undermine us all at the same time. Left unchecked, it leads to regrettable actions that strain and/or break our relationships. Left unresolved, anger smolders inside us, turning our hearts against each other and away from God. Learning to manage and express anger in a healthy way is absolutely essential to healthy Christian living.
God has graciously revealed His will for us in this area in multiple places in His word, but my go-to passage for handling anger happens to be found in the epistle we are studying this month:
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.
James 1:19-21
With maximum efficiency, James pens a clear path for us to follow, one marked by a single “quick” and two “slows.” Did you see them? He says that we are to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Each step is crucial in helping us handle anger in a way that honors God.
1. Be Quick to Listen
Our first directive involves our ears—we are to be "quick to listen." Active listening helps us clarify a situation before reacting unwisely. I don’t know about you, but when I encounter situations that provoke me to anger, my tendency at times is to let my emotions take over and to respond impulsively. It’s only when I take the time to truly listen that my perspective can be transformed in a way that reduces the intensity of my reaction.
So the obvious question then is this—how do we “listen quick” in anger-inducing situations?
- Focus on the Speaker: Give the person your full attention. Avoid distractions and make eye contact to show you are engaged.
- Empathize: Try to understand their feelings and perspective. Ask questions for clarity and show that you care about their views.
- Pause Before Responding: Allow some silence after the other person has finished speaking. This pause can help you collect your thoughts and avoid knee-jerk reactions.
- Clarify the Communication: Echo back what your quick ears have heard. Try not to assume you know what they are saying before you respond.
By prioritizing listening, we allow ourselves to process the situation calmly and thoughtfully instead of reacting with immediate and damaging anger.
2. Be Slow to Speak
With his second mandate, James advises us to be "slow to speak." In moments of anger, impetuous words and rising volumes will serve only to exacerbate an already tense situation. Hasty remarks escalate conflicts, hurt relationships, and ultimately drive a wedge between ourselves and others. That’s why God wants more slow than go—we need to choose our words wisely and consider their effects before expressing them.
Here’s some pointers that I try to employ in my quest to be slow to speak:
- Breathe: Before responding, I try to take a deep breath to help calm my nerves and collect my thoughts.
- Think Before You Speak: I work hard to consider how my words might affect the person I’m addressing. Will they be helpful? Are they kind? What is my intention in sharing this response?
- Use “I” Statements: This one’s a biggie. Instead of blaming or attacking, I make it my aim to frame my feelings in terms of my own personal experiences. For example, saying, "I feel upset when…" helps prevent defensiveness and encourage constructive dialogue.
When we take care to be slow to speak, we can communicate more effectively and compassionately, minimizing our misunderstandings with others.
3. Be Slow to Become Angry
James finishes his triad with this instruction —be “slow to become angry”. With these words, James emphasizes patience and restraint. In a broken world, anger happens, but unwise expressions of it produce destructive outcomes. Angry feelings and their corresponding reactions need to be surrendered to and filtered by the Holy Spirit to be of any true benefit to the feeler and those around them.
Want to get better at being slow to anger? Try these:
- Reflect on the Causes: Take some time to understand what triggers your anger. Is it a recurring issue, or is it specific to certain situations? Understanding the root causes can help you address them more constructively.
- Seek to Forgive: Holding onto anger can be detrimental to your emotional health. Learning to forgive can lift the burden of resentment and allow you to move forward peacefully.
One last thought—being slow to anger does not imply a suppression of our feelings. Instead, it encourages us to process our emotions in a way that aligns with God’s will and promotes His purposes in our relationships with others.
4. Recognize the Consequences of Human Anger
James 1:20 provides the logic behind the three imperatives Paul issues: "because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." When anger goes unchecked and unrefined, it invariably leads to sinful actions that damage relationships.
From a spiritual perspective, harboring anger creates distance between us and God. Unresolved anger hinders our ability to love and serve others genuinely, both of which are fundamentals in Christian living. By recognizing the negative effects of uncontrolled anger, we will be more inclined to seek alternative, healthier responses that are better aligned with what the Bible teaches.
5. Embrace Transformation
Finally, James encourages us to "get rid of all moral filth" and to "humbly accept the word planted in you" (James 1:21). James is echoing what Paul wrote to the Colossians, namely to be done with anger and all of its manifestations.
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.
Colossians 3:8
Once rid of these old-man approaches to anger, we can clothe ourselves as new creations in the character of Christ.
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Colossians 3:12-14
Sounds good to me. But how do we remain in a God-honoring mindset towards anger?
- Read the Book: Regularly reading and meditating on the Bible nourishes our spirits by providing guidance in overcoming our negative emotions.
- Community Support: Surrounding ourselves with people who encourage our growth and provide us with accountability will allow us to work through our struggles and celebrate our victories in constructive ways.
- Prayer: Consistent prayer will keep us connected to God’s guidance in moments of anger and help us avoid needless anger before it occurs.
Handling anger is no joke, but it is an essential component of emotional maturity and spiritual growth. That’s why we need the framework that James 1:19-21 provides - listen so as to truly understand, reflect before speaking, and exercise control over our emotions. Choosing these principles will align us more closely with God’s desires.
May we all strive to embrace and embody what James teaches us about transforming our anger into opportunities to reflect the love and righteousness of God in our lives!
